


Cross My Heart

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asshole Brock Rumlow, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Creepy Brock Rumlow, M/M, Poor Bucky Barnes, Protective Rhodey, Protective Tony Stark, Rhodey Is a Good Bro, Tony Being Tony, Tony Is a Good Bro, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 11:49:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11668551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: Tony had gone to the bar for a good time and also because he and Rhodey hadn’t hung out in like forever because he was off doing military things and Tony was the shining star of his father’s company and all that. Except what happened instead resulted in him getting married.





	Cross My Heart

Tony had gone to the bar for a good time and also because he and Rhodey hadn’t hung out in like forever because he was off doing military things and Tony was the shining star of his father’s company and all that. Except what happened instead resulted in him getting married and not to his recently ex girlfriend Pepper.

*

Rhodey sighs as he explains this jackass of a guy he has to work with and Tony nods in sympathy. He had to work with his father so really they were both in crappy situations though Tony got the benefit of no one shooting at him thankfully. “Anyways so I had to go out and find this entire _tank_ that this idiot apparently lost and when I did I brought that thing back was like ‘boom, is this what you were looking for?’ He looked super pissed but he lost an entire _tank_ so I mean he did this to himself,” Rhodey says, taking a drink of his beer.

“How does one lose an entire tank?” Tony asks, trying to figure out the logistics of that. Rhodey goes to open his mouth to presumably provide some kind of explanation when he’s rudely interrupted by a loud declaration that no one would ever love some guy like his presumable ex would. Tony’s senses prickle immediately because the line was familiar and Rhodey reaches out to put his hand on Tony’s forearm. He thinks it’s supposed to keep him in his seat but when he hears the guy yelling something about no one wanting to marry someone who was broken tony is out of his seat and half way across the room before Rhodey can react.

“Actually we’re engaged,” he says, approaching the guy who was currently being screamed at on his left. Tony notices the lack of arm right away and resists the urge to punch his ex for making that broken comment. See how many people would want him with a broken _face_. He holds back though because One Arm’s ex was stunned. One Arm keeps his cool well but Tony can tell he’s confused as hell. He can also feel Rhodey hovering behind him protectively, ready to jump into the fray if needed.

“We broke up two days ago,” Asshole says with a sneer.

“He was cheating on you the whole time,” Tony says easily. It was the obvious explanation _and_ it added insult to injury. Jackass.

One Arm perks up, “yeah, you aren’t the only one who’ll fuck anything with a hole,” he chimes in. Wow, this asshat cheated on him in addition to the obvious emotional abuse? Tony wonders if this guy would give him his ex’s name so Tony could ruin his life.

“‘Scuse you, I am only one man, not ‘everything with a hole’,” he says in his own defense. “And I’m probably better looking than anything this moron can get. Minus you, of course,” he says, grinning.

One Arm’s cheeks turn _just_ a little red and he huffs out a laugh, “yeah, you are. By like a _lot_.”

“Oh fuck you, Bucky,” Asshole snaps.

“He has and he was pretty unsatisfied, that’s why he was screwing around with me, remember?” Tony says, smiling with _just_ enough ego and confidence that it made his words that much more insulting. Bucky almost chokes on his air as he starts laughing.

“He’s got better taste in movies too, and he likes my cat. So I mean all around he’s just better than you,” Bucky throws out, playing along nicely.

“Than why’d you stay with me?” Asshole shoots back.

“Pity mostly,” Tony says breezily, “I mean you’re _horrible_ , no one would want anything to do with you and Bucky didn’t want you to be lonely. I told him it wasn’t worth it but he’s the hero type and thought he could save you from an unsatisfied life of loneliness. It’s not like you’ve got oodles of friends to satiate the crushing feeling of being genuinely hated by most of the logical thinking population.” That last bit was a guess based on his experiences with Howard but the dirty look he gets confirms people didn’t tend to like him much.

Bucky laughs again, putting his remaining hand over his mouth as he watches Tony’s brutal takedown of his ex. Asshole glares at Tony suspiciously, “yeah, well if you know Bucky so well I’m sure you know my name then. What is it?”

Tony laughs, “buddy, do you really believe I’d memorize that? You aren’t worth that much of my brainpower. Oh, and we totally fucked in the back of your precious Mustang,” he adds after catching a flash of Asshole’s keys. “That isn’t even a good year for them, it’s a shit car.”

Behind him Rhodey finally gets into it and starts laughing, letting out a low, “oh shit!” after Tony stops speaking.

“Those seats are horribly sticky,” Bucky says, wrinkling his nose.

“True. You might want wash them because we didn’t,” Tony adds and Bucky starts laughing again. So does Rhodey and a good portion of the surrounding bar patrons. Looks like their little fight got the attention of the surrounding people.

“Bullshit. There is _no way_ you two are engaged, when’s the wedding date?” Asshole snaps.

“Tomorrow,” Tony and Bucky say in sync. Thank _god_. “I was going to tell you before but then you an off for three days and I figured I’d just take the time to spend it with my fiancée instead,” Bucky says sagely.

“By the way you really need to learn how to wipe buddy, who even leaves that many shit stains on their boxers?” Tony says, shaking his head.

“Did I tell you he came home after three days of radio silence to yell ay me about his underwear? Honestly it isn’t my fault he lacks basic motor functions and he claims _I’m_ the broken one for a only having one arm,” Bucky says, rolling his eyes.

“Well apparently the extra arm didn’t help him with his shitty problem,” Tony says and Bucky snickers. “Seriously, how the hell could you deal with that all the time? You’re a hero among men truly.” So was his mom for putting up with all of Howard’s bullshit. He had no idea how she did it and he had even _less_ of an idea as to why Howard was the piece of shit that he was. All Tony knew was that he had no intent on stopping any time soon.

“You are _not_ getting married tomorrow,” Asshole says in a threatening tone.

Tony goes to step forward to ask what the hell he meant by _that_ but Rhodey has already pulls him back and stepped forward. “ _You_ have no say in what either of them do so I suggest you back up and walk away, buddy,” Rhodey tells him. He’s taller than the other guy not that it would have mattered, Rhodey was pretty well trained in combat, but it helped in the way of making him look intimidating.

“There is no way you two are actually getting married tomorrow!” Asshole repeats.

“Well if you want to go Tony needs a bride’s maid since I’m headed back to my military base tomorrow,” Rhodey offers and honestly Tony sometimes forgot that his friend was such a genius. That was not only a lovely insult but also an easy way to drop in the fact that he was qualified to make this guy pavement paint. And also Rhodey was a literal genius too. The crowd ‘oooos’ and Asshole turns bright red.

“I mean if you don’t want to go you can always look at the pictures tomorrow online,” Tony throws out confidently. He can’t see Rhodey’s face but he knows he’s probably got one of those subtle ‘are you kidding me?’ looks on his face. What? Tony had to make it all legit to show this asshole up.

“Yeah, the colors are red and gold,” Bucky throws out. Whatever the significance to this guy he looks right ready to jump through Rhodey and punch Bucky. Rhodey shifts his weight though, subtly indication that that wasn’t about to happen.

“Mmhm. And the cake is _divine_ ,” Tony adds.

“Red velvet,” Bucky says.

“With these adorable little flowers on the top because those cake toppers that represent the couple are fucking tacky,” Tony says.

“Too extravagant for my tastes,” Rhodey adds, shaking his head. It would be true if Tony were truly getting married- Rhodey was a simple man with simple tastes. It was Tony that was the melodramatic over the top one. Rhodey loved him for it though.

“That’s the military talking. Sam and Steve think it’s all over the top too but I think it’s just dramatic enough,” Bucky says.

“Sam and Steve are reasonable men with reasonable tastes,” Rhodey says.

“Actually you guys just don’t know how to work the dramatics. Maybe you should take lessons from Dillweed here seems how he came in here to cause a scene and make a damn fool out of himself,” tony says, nodding to Asshole.

“I did not make a fool of myself!” Asshole yells.

Bucky rolls his eyes, “fuck off, Brock.”

Brock continues to stand there like a useless tit and Tony rolls his eyes. “Well you heard him Brick, make like a rock and sink the to the bottom of the ocean,” he says, flicking his fingers at him to go.

*

Bucky could fucking believe this. When Brock came in yelling and screaming about him never finding anyone to love him and blah, blah, blah he didn’t expect some rando to jump in and claim they were engaged. It didn’t help that about halfway through this he realized said rando was _Tony Stark_. Brock probably realized too, which was probably why he was so insistent that there was no way they were getting married. But then Tony produces _pictures_ of the venue and all these other details so it sounded real and even Bucky was half convinced and he knew it was fake.

He was _so_ happy that Tony ruined Brock’s car for him though. Bucky hated that god damn car, Brock probably loved that stupid hunk of metal more than he could ever love Bucky and now he thinks he screwed a celebrity in the back seat of it. _Ha_.

“Thanks,” Bucky tells Tony when Brock finally fucks off.

Tony shrugs, “no problem. I hate people like that; acting like they can speak for the world and say no one will care about you just to manipulate you into feeling like shit about yourself. That guy is a right twat and you’re definitely better off without him,” he says.

“So I know. Sweet wedding details, by the way. You getting married soon or what?” It was only polite to ask after his saving Bucky’s ass from a lifetime of embarrassment.

Tony nods, “yeah, to you. We have to make sure we have sweet wedding pictures to rub in that jackass’s face. And a really cool honey moon too. How do you feel about zip lining in forests?” Bucky’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise and Tony has to laugh, “come on man, it’s a free wedding and a free trip, you can walk away after. No strings attached, I swear,” he says, hands up in his defense.

Bucky shakes his head and laughs because this could _not_ get any weirder. “You know what, I have been with that asshole for six years, I could use a fake wedding and a fun vacation. Lets do it,” he says.

Tony grins, “great. Give me a moment,” he says and steps away. Bucky doesn’t hear much of the conversation but he does catch that the person on the other end is named Christine and that Tony’s asking for a favor from her. When he comes back over he’s still smiling, “alright I have a reporter I don’t hate dealing with covering the details you know, to make sure that Brock can’t escape your happy life without him. Now up you get, we have a wedding to plan and we’ve only got like twelve hours.”

Bucky gets up mostly in shock and follows him out, looking over at Tony’s friend- Rhodes was his name or something like that- and he just shakes his head with a small smile like this was normal. Hell, maybe this _was_ normal for Tony. Bucky guessed he was about to find out.


End file.
